Dish #7 - "Bye Bye Bye Matthew!!!"

The First Dish: There are two parts to this story so brace yourselves. Recently, there has been a baby boom in the celebrity world (mostly thanks to Bradgelina and Octomom - she's not a celebrity but her starvelings are). Many stars are running around like rabbits on foreign and domestic lands to mate and reproduce their very own herd of baby bunnies. Among this frantic crowd are TomKat, Brit/K-Fed (ew!), Halle Berry/hot model bf, Jessica Alba/Cash Warren, Bennifer, JLo/M.Anthony, Gywneth/Chris Martin, Donald Trump/trophy wife...oh I can keep going. Even Madonna wants to adopt another Malawian child.

The Question: How can Shiloh, Suri, Jean Preston Federline and other celeb babies stand out from the ever-increasing Under-5-I-Have-Famous-And-Hot-Rich-Parents-iGeneration-Echo-Boomers demographics?

Think no further: Just ask Valentina Pinault, the fiesty little girl who has Salma Hayek and her filthy rich BILLIONAIRE husband Francois Pinault as parents. I don't even want to go into how digustingly spoiled that kid is going to be and how much I would like to steal all her future designer clothes, handbags and shoes. (Her father owns Gucci and Balenciaga for crying out loud.) What is even more fascinating is that her lack of motor skills as a full-grown human has already earned her mother calling her a "dictator". (By that I think Salma means Nazi, not like the cool Bailey Nazi on Grey's Anatomy but like Nazi Nazi, ruler-on-earth-and-planets-beyond Nazi.) How can any 17-month old child be remotely controlling is beyond me and I'm sure her parents aren't helping to control her bossiness. Her mother thinks it's "unique and magical." The only thing magical about Valentina so far is that her parents seem to think Baby V has the sixth sense. Reason: she yelled "No no no no, au revoir!" while staring and pointing into space one night. (Salma thinks Baby V saw a ghost.) Oh boy, can someone please just tell these rich idiots how to raise a baby?

Baby V - Oh I like her. She's rocking the Evil Smirk.
(Image from theInsider.com)

The Second Helping: Sarah Jessica Parker, star of Sex and the City, is currently consulting a psychic to put her marriage with Matthew Broderick back on track. I almost peed in my pants when I read that.

Left: SJP. Right: The cheater.
(Image from topnews.in)

Oh my! I get it now. Baby V is the psychic. If Baby V grows up to be a b*tch, at least she will be smart. SJP, take those wise words "No, no, no, au revoir!" and kick your hubby out of the house.