The Dish: A little heads up: the next couple of posts will be bitchier, angrier and hopefully more me. As I once promised myself at the tender age of eight: 'Never ever let anything stop you from hating the world, Miss Tam.' Thirteen years later, here I am, upholding that very sacred promise. Besides, it feels good to have a little anger, especially in times like these.
Alright, enough babble, we move on to official business. In the files today we have...
File #BOOBS-ARE-FAKE: The rumour is false. Britney Spears is NOT pregnant. Oh thank goodness, we cannot let that crazy circus monkey breed anymore. But that does not negate the fact that she slept with and had a very good time with one of her dancers. Oh, who am I kidding? Let me correct that, ALL of her dancers. Male and female.
File #1-866-IDOLS-05: AMERICAN IDOL!!! Adam Lambert was in the bottom two last night! My brain died a little and my heart stopped beating. It was like finding out that Lindsay Lohan joined a convent and Matthew McConaughey was gay, at the same time. I know we are going through rough times and perhaps that is why we should embrace talent and people who stray off of the path of normality. I have no idea how those votes happened. Danny Dopey? Seriously, he is such a bore.
File #My-Big-Fat-Not-So-Amazing-Greek-Dinner: For those of you in Toronto, please avoid The Greek Grill on the Danforth. For a solid 40 dollars, it was the crappiest meal that Zak and I ever had. I'm sure that they have better Greek food in Malaysia or another country just as far away from Greece. Oh wait, that would also include Canada. Silly me. Zak looked like he was about to throw up when the plates arrived. I have never really had Greek food before but even I knew that pita meant a wrap with stuff in it. And if gyros is supposed to taste like plasticine mystery meat, who the hell would ever want to eat it? The rice that sided my lamb souvlaki didn't even meet Uncle Ben's standards. It was bordering on Uncle Rico's. And Uncle Rico is a fictional character. Tzatziki, from what I hear, is NOT supposed to be mayo with booger-green-looking chunks in it. We also ordered this spinach pastry (spanakopita) and it was luke warm, microwaved and stale from being left overnight and served the next day. I'm going to stop writing about it now, before I throw up from thinking about how hairy the waiter's nose was.
File #Jobless-But-Not-Homeless: I have semi began searching for possible employment. It's like even the hobo sitting at the corner of King & Dufferin don't want me competing against him for 'employment' in this economy. Am I reaching for the stars here? Well it's all about being ruthless out there in a dog-eat-dog world. I know what I have to do if the time comes. I will poison the King & Dufferin hobo and take his place.
File #Closing-Credits:
Shirley: No ranting blog will be complete if I don't complain about the weather, right?
Her Reason: Right.
S: So why is it still so damn cold out there?
HR: Um, Mother Nature hates Torontonians.
S: Why does Mother Nature hate Torontonians?
HR: Because warm weather makes the King & Dufferin hobo smell really bad.
S: But we still have a reason to live another day, right?
HR: Yes.
S: What is it?
HR: Wolverine is coming out tomorrow, duh.
S: Noooooooooooooo.
HR: What?
S: It's getting bad reviews!
HR: But do we care if Hugh Jackman takes his shirt off?
S: I guess not.
sunrise in venice
13 years ago