Dish #74 - Throwing out the Trash.

The Dish: It's time for the year-round spring cleaning.

Body-bagged, or not: Obama says Osama's dead. (Somehow it brings me slight amusement that their names rhyme and 'b' and 's' aren't even that far away from each other on the keyboard.) What is even sillier is that the news first erupted on Twitter. Once again, we are proven that much of this world rests on the tiny little shoulders of an azure, helpless-looking bird.  According to sources, Keith Urbahn, once chief of staff for former defense secretary Donald Rumsfeld, posted this note on Twitter: "So I'm told by a reputable person they have killed Osama Bin Laden. Hot damn." Indeed, my friend. So, drag it out to the sidewalk (by sidewalk I mean the sea) and no one'll utter 'RIP'.

Trumped 'n' trashed: The most delusional person on the face of the earth at the moment must be Donald Trump. He's quite adamant about running for presidency in the US. It has always pained me to look at his comb over and now I have to look at his comb over and watch him pretend like he knows something about the world outside of New York City. How far is he going to take this? Not only has he attacked the legitimacy of Barack Obama's birth certificate---to which Mr. Obama responded with a semi-effective snippet of Simba's birth from Disney's The Lion King, although not very classy either coming from an American president---he has also attacked the legitimacy of Barack Obama's birth certificate on The View. (His ridonculoso babblings actually made the hosts seem rather intelligent.) But people are missing the real issue at hand here: Melania Trump as First Lady.

Compost for thought: Now, with the royal wedding over, here's some real gossip to think about: Pippa Middleton & Prince Harry. At least she looks less trashy than Chelsy Davy and way less orange.

Dish #73 - Hide 'em All in Rehab.

The Dish: Heads up. There is something wrong with Charlie Sheen. I keep seeing him on ET (for reasons which remain a mystery). My guess is that there is a lawsuit involved or that he is being his usual aggressive-aggressive-substance-abuse self. With so much nonsense going on in that man's life (his fight with cigarettes, with alcohol, with his producers, with being unemployed because of his fight with his producers, with drugs and with all his other addictions), why hasn't anyone pitched a reality show starring Sheen already? I propose a one-man version of Celebrity Rehab mixed Armed & Famous and Temptation Island. That should grab better ratings than Secret Millionaire.

'Just have fun': That's a direct quote. It's easy to say when you're Kim Kardashian. She has debuted her first new single. It's called 'Jam (Turn It Up)'. It's very personal. She explores issues like partying, spending money and 'feeling good' and 'Imam burn it out tonight [...] By live via satellite'. Poor thing, she's trying so hard. The song is for a charitable cause. Ok, that's still not enough to redeem how shitty and ridiculously uninspiring the song is. It's total garbage. I feel bad for the charity. (Note: The following 'music' contains a subject matter and is generally rated to not be suitable for extended exposure. If you experience a sudden upset in stomach or hallucinations showing the end of the world, pressing the pause button immediately is strongly suggested. Listeners' discretion is advised.)



They tried to make me go to rehab but I said 'no, no, no': Well-penned, Amy Winehouse. But it's Christina Aguilera that has a drinking problem this time. They all crack at some point, don't they? Her friends are urging her to seek rehab. Even her ex-husband is concerned for their child's safety. Xtina, however, is firmly refusing treatment. I'm casting her in my fake Charlie Sheen reality show The Secret American Dream: Real Celebrities Against Rehab. I guess Lindsey could guest star.

And lastly: A lock of Justin Bieber's hair auctioned for $40,668US. Talk about social injustice. 

Dish #72 - Kill the Happy Rainbow.

The Dish: First off, I'd like to welcome myself back into the world of gossip and 'news', lol. The whole being-in-Hawaii-with-all-its-happy-sunshine-ness temporarily uplifted the cynicism out of me. I have to admit, since everything was so bright, sweet and full of nectar, I did let the Hawaiian way get into my head. No fear, I will not remain jolly forever. There is nothing like a good dose of terrible Oscar-ness to whip me back in shape!

The Oscars: It was possibly the WORST and boring-est Oscar show since its inauguration by whatever council/academy/guild/blah blah blah in 1929. The banter sucked, the acceptance speeches sucked, the entertainment, or the lack thereof, was, um, below par and I actually don't remember anything from the show. Oprah showed up (I think) but then again she's everywhere so that doesn't earn the Academy any brownie points.

Who hired James Franco?? Who decided that he had hosting capabilities? Watching an automatic stapler staple blank Post-Its together would have been more captivating than his face during the awards ceremony. He looked like he was still recovering from his roles from 'The Pineapple Express' and '127 Hours': stoned and really, really burnt out. Couldn't they have put some makeup on him and cover those nasty eye bags? 

Anne Hathaway...That girl (nervous)-giggles too much. And how many times did she have to change? Her speed-changing through outfits gave me motion sickness. That one blue dress she had on made Amy Adams look pale in comparison (By the way, oh sweet Lord, what was Ms. Adams thinking?) Did I miss a Vogue issue but since when was electric blue with sequins fashionable again? 

My Oscar Awards 2011 go to:

Best Dressed: Mila Kunis

Best Dressed - Runner-Up: Halle Berry

Best Dressed - Honourable Mentions: Gwyneth Paltrow, Helen Mirren

Best Colour Palette: Scarlett Johansson

Best Hair: Celine Dion

Worst Dressed: Melissa Leo...is that even called a dress?

Worst Dressed - Runner-Up: Helena Bonham Carter

Worst Dressed - Honourable Mentions: Annette Benning, Florence Welch

Worst Colour Palette: Amy Adams

Worst Hair: Reese Witherspoon

Some Personal Coronations:

'E' For Effort: Jennifer Hudson

Most Ugh-Crustacean-Friendly: Cate Blanchett 

The 'Oh, Honey' Dress: Marisa Tomei

Most Naturally Appropriate: Hailee Steinfield

The Skanky Prom Queen: Penelope Cruz

Coolest Accessories - Tassels Earrings: Natalie Portman

Creepiest Ensemble: Sharon 'Cruella Deville' Stone

Hottest Arm Candy: 'Nearly Nude' Camila Alves 

Robo-Stepford Wife: Nicole Kidman

And finally:
The Lifetime Joaquin Phoenix Impression Achievement Award: 
Christian Bale (He so is method acting...)

Overall Oscars 2011 Grade: D-

My Pick for Oscars Host 2012: Robert Downing Jr.

Dish #70 - Monochrome.

The Dish: I finally went through all the photos from my trip.  These were taken at a harbour in Maui. Some of us went sport fishing for $160/pp and caught nothing. I'm not sorry I missed that trip.

Dish #69 - Kauai: I'm Blue.

The Dish: Here are some more photos from Kauai. I miss the blue sky and waters. The weather was always perfect. You can just spend the entire weekend at the beach...reminds me of the days in Santa Monica.

Dish #68 - Kauai: Wild Plants

The Dish: Kauai is a beautiful, natural garden. Even the wild weeds are exotic and full of colour. No one tends to these flowers but they are always lush and in full bloom.

Dish #67 - Kauai: Beaches & The Waimea Canyon

The Dish: Everything is at a faster pace on the mainland. Out here on the islands, people like to take their sweet, sweet time... Kauai is known as the Garden Island, with its lush wilderness, canyons and cliffs. Some photos of the beach scenes taken near our resort in Poipu, the most southern point of the island. That's a photo of the Hawaiian Monk Seal...also taking its sweet time on the beach. 

The Waimea Canyon is no Grand Canyon but it does have its own distinct sense of wilderness. Its reddish lava beds contrasts the lush green. It's one of the world's wettest spots. Another thing that makes Kauai special are the feral chickens. They are literally everywhere...from Wal-Mark parking lots to the top of the Waimea Canyon. It took me half a week to get used to them running wild all over the streets and beaches.

Dish #66 - Mad, Mad World

The Dish: Tommy Lee is FURIOUS (yes, caps indeed) as SeaWorld Orlando for using a cow's vagina to retrieve male sperm from Mr. Tilikum and treating him as a 'sperm bank'. Mr. Tilikum was responsible for the death of veteran trainer Dawn Brancheau in February of this year, and the death of two others back in 1991 and 1999. Mr. Lee says, in his quest to defend animal rights, that he could not imagine anything worse, "even during [his] wildest days with Motley Crue." And that's saying a lot coming from Tommy Lee. Lol. Tilikum is an orca, by the way. 

Bloody Business: Ms. Aretha Wilson has been jailed for two years. Ms. Wilson was the one who sliced up Leonardo DiCaprio's face with a wine glass back in 2005 at a Hollywood party. He got 17 stitches for it. The Canadian model initially claimed that she thought he was her ex-boyfriend. Whatever the reason, we remain reassured that Leo still has his good looks and is aging better than ever.

There's classy, then there's "I'm hungry": Gotta <3 Blake Lively, I found these magazine spreads that she shot for Interview Magazine this past summer. Can you spot the photo that does not match with the rest? That one would be Lady Gaga sporting her I'm-getting-m'self-a-slice-of-pizza-in-Barcelona outfit. She's starting to get really, really annoying.

Dish #65 - I am confused.

The Dish: First off, Tony Parker, 28, and Eva Longoria, 35, are getting a divorce. (Apparently he sent some dirty dirty messages to the wife of a former teammate.) My question is: Why do celebrities even bother getting married in the first place?

Your what?!? 'Your Highness' is a new movie coming out in April 8 of next year, starring Natalie Portman, Zooey Deschanel and James Franco. Don't those three names sound like a promising movie in the making? That's what I thought...until I saw the trailer. 
The only way I can reason this:
Natalie Portmam: Black Swan >> Your Highness. Drugs were involved.
Zooey Deschanel: 500 Days of Summer >> Your Highness. Ditto.
James Franco: Pineapple Express >> Your Highness...ya.

Dish #64 - Aloha, Brits.

The Dish: Prince William has two new things in his life as of today: a fiancée and an ever-so-glaringly-receding hairline. Word in, Kate Middleton (the lead lady in question) received the 18-carat sapphire ring that was once owned by the legendary Princess Diana herself. It must be so nice to have royal connections. Apparently, Middleton will be the first commoner to marry an heir to the royal throne in 350 years. 

The Deathly Hallows: Following the British stream of things, I could not be more excited for the new movie. I'm super prepped - I've re-read the seventh book and I honestly know all the trailers by heart. I'm ready for some gloomy, soul-sucking terror. I know it's a children's movie but Ralph Fiennes is just such a good actor. By the way, Emma Watson is rocking the short hair. And I would (almost) die for Daniel Radcliffe to make an appearance on Glee, since I mean, everyone can somehow fit into a storyline on Glee, no?

Hawaii Five-0: I cannot adequately explain how much I love this show. Here's are the Top 10 reasons why I can't stop watching, week after week.

10. A lot of ridiculously gorgeous people. Mostly in swim wear. 
9. The plot is so implausible. Yet who cares - it's entertaining and you root for the good guys.
8. Some poor terrorist always gets their ass kicked or forced into a confession in the most illegal way possible - like strapped onto the front of a racing vehicle with ropes that came from a modern art exhibition or thrown into a shark tank.
7. Something will explode, be totaled or be burnt to the ground in every episode.
6. Daniel Dae Kim and Grace Park: Wooh! Asian actors!
5. Pretty sunset, surfing, pretty sunset, wait...hey it's the forest they filmed Lost! It's so green...ooo pretty beach...aww dolphins...
4. The bromance chemistry between Caan and O'Loughlin is uncannily good...and sweet?
3. Fans have now made a FIVE-O bingo card. It's so much fun to play along while watching. Still haven't been able to get a bingo though.
2. Scott Caan has the ability to deliver the stupidest lines and render them into something so funny that you might be confused temporarily that the script is better than it actually is.
1. Alex O'Loughlin is like the human equivalent of a tasty and perfectly baked chocolate cupcake...but he's also the icing...AND the sprinkles on top of the icing on top of the chocolate cupcake. Ya, you get my point...so who cares if his acting isn't so great.

Dish #63 - West Coast: Parks

The Dish: Yellowstone, Jasper (glaciers), Banff (Lake Louise) and Adam's River (Salmon Run). 

Dish #62 - West Coast: Close-ups

The Dish: So many colours, so many textures in this world. I love the little red mittens. So fuzzy...so furry. (I meant to upload these yesterday but internet access is limited in the mountains. Click on them to enlarge...for a little bit.)